When families separate, one of the most overlooked yet important steps is letting your child’s school know what’s happening. For parents, that can feel deeply personal — even uncomfortable. But for children, clear communication between home and school can make all the difference in helping them feel supported, safe, and understood.
At Kids In The Middle, I often reassure parents that informing the school isn’t about oversharing — it’s about building a safety net. Teachers, counsellors, and administrators can only support what they know, and when a child’s family structure changes, so does their emotional landscape.
Schools can become a powerful source of stability during transition — but that support starts with a conversation.
Why Schools Need to Know
Children spend a huge part of their week at school. It’s often where emotional signs of stress appear first — sudden tears, changes in concentration, irritability, or fatigue. Educators are trained to recognise these signals, but understanding the why behind them helps prevent misinterpretation.
When schools are aware of family changes, they can:
- Offer additional emotional support through school wellbeing staff.
- Manage handovers safely and respectfully.
- Ensure both parents receive communication equally.
- Adjust expectations temporarily if the child is struggling.
In Australia, around one in five children live in separated families, and many schools have systems in place to manage shared care, dual communication, and sensitive situations.
When the school understands your child’s family dynamic, they can respond with empathy rather than confusion — and your child benefits most of all.
When to Have the Conversation
The best time to talk to the school is as early as possible after major changes — ideally before your child starts showing signs of emotional distress or changes in attendance.
You don’t have to wait for everything to be legally finalised. Even a simple heads-up can help teachers prepare. For example:
“Our family is going through some changes at the moment. We’re managing things carefully, but you might notice [child’s name] is more tired or emotional. I’d appreciate your support in keeping an eye on them.”
If you have court orders, parenting plans, or changes in pick-up arrangements, it’s essential to share these with the principal or administration in writing. This helps protect everyone — including staff — and ensures consistent practice.
Who to Talk To
Start with your child’s teacher, as they’re the closest connection to your child’s daily routine. For significant family changes or legal matters, also speak with the school principal or deputy, and the school counsellor or wellbeing coordinator if available.
For younger children, it’s often useful to provide a brief note summarising key points for staff who may interact with your child — for example, relief teachers, canteen supervisors, or after-school care staff.
If your child attends multiple programs (like before- and after-school care or tutoring), make sure each relevant adult has the same consistent information.
What (and What Not) to Share
It’s natural to want to explain the situation in detail, but keep information factual and focused on the child’s needs. Schools don’t need the backstory of the separation — just enough to support the child effectively.
Include:
- Living arrangements or schedule (e.g. “Monday to Wednesday with Mum, Thursday to Sunday with Dad”).
- Approved contact and collection details.
- Preferred communication methods for each parent (email, phone, etc.).
- Any sensitivities or triggers to be aware of (e.g. sudden changes, mentions of certain events).
Avoid emotional language or blame — it places the school in a difficult position and can affect neutrality. Phrases like, “We’re working through things” or “Our focus is on [child’s name]’s wellbeing” maintain professionalism and calm.
Creating a Team Approach
Children thrive when parents and schools operate as a united front. Let your child know that their teacher understands the situation and is there to support them.
Encourage consistent messaging between both homes and the school. When both parents share the same tone and information, it reduces confusion and anxiety for the child.
For example, if a child forgets their homework after transitioning between homes, the school can show understanding rather than frustration. These small moments of empathy strengthen a child’s resilience and sense of belonging.
Managing Handover at School
Schools are often the most practical and neutral places for handover — but it’s crucial to handle them respectfully. Keep transitions calm, quick, and conflict-free. Avoid emotional conversations or visible tension near your child.
If necessary, schools can help facilitate structured handovers or Safe Steps arrangements, ensuring children are not exposed to adult disagreements. Always communicate in advance with the school if a change to collection is needed, rather than putting staff in a difficult situation at short notice.
When Your Child Changes Schools
Changing schools during or after separation can be particularly emotional. Prepare your child by visiting the new environment beforehand, meeting the teacher, and walking through the routine together.
Provide the new school with a brief summary of your child’s background — what supports have worked, their strengths, and any routines that help them feel safe. The smoother the communication, the more quickly your child will settle in.
For families in regional or FIFO communities, maintaining contact with the same supportive adults (like school counsellors or mentors) — even remotely — can help children adjust when transitions overlap with work schedules or moves.
When to Seek Extra Help
If your child’s school experience begins to reflect distress — ongoing anxiety, school refusal, or emotional outbursts — reach out early. Most Australian schools have access to wellbeing programs and partnerships with services such as Kids Helpline, Headspace, and Relationships Australia.
Involving a child consultant can also bridge communication between parents, children, and schools, ensuring everyone works together with a child-focused lens.
Final Thoughts
Talking to your child’s school about separation can feel vulnerable — but it’s one of the most powerful steps you can take to protect your child’s emotional wellbeing.
Schools are not just academic spaces; they are communities of care. When parents, teachers, and children work in partnership, the result is a web of support strong enough to carry a child through even the toughest transitions.
You don’t have to have it all worked out. Just start the conversation — calmly, clearly, and with your child’s best interests at heart. Because when the adults communicate well, children don’t have to carry the silence between them.
Kids In The Middle™ [2025]. Written by Leah Rando-Poller. Human-led content, professionally reviewed. General information only.
